Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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