i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
