my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
