I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
