this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize