hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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