just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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