3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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