I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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