i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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