So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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