i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
