Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
