Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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