if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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