Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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