My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
