I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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