Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
