I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
