I bet he comes in French.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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