i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
