mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
