so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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