**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
