I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
