My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
