Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A bitchslap is in order.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
