Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize