this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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