It's like a parade of train wrecks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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