remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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