OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
