cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
