we're chasing vodka with high fives
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
