what day is it and did you see me today?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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