Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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