I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
