it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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