i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
