Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
