you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
