cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
