WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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