I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
