i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
