i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
