Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
