I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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