ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
