Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
