Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
