My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
