addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
