im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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