If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i love accidental penises.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
