Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
