He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
