i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
