The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize