is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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