I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
