do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
