you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
