Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
