im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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