You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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