You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
