I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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