the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
