He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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