i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
