allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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